Doing couple’s work all started when I was a little girl helping my parent’s marriage and by offering friends advice as well. Yes, literally, as unglamorous as that may sound, it did begin like this, and yes I have had therapy since then. However, truth be told, I took pride in my “work” and enjoyed problem-solving and peace-bringing even then, and I still love to help you find peace and joy in relationships today also!
So how did Enneagram & Marriage factor in? After attending grad school at Wheaton College and getting my MA in Clinical Psych with an emphasis in Marriage and Family, running my own private practice since 2004 and then opening my own LLC, Reflections Counseling Center in 2012 in South Florida, I learned about the Enneagram as a possible coaching tool. I found it SO helpful for my own marriage and the couples I was using it with that it replaced many of the laborious clinical assessments I was doing and with better results. Since then, I have written a book on it as well as trained coaches from all over the world in my integrative method of coaching and counseling. I still have a secure base of local team of therapists and coaches as well, all of whom incorporate Enneagram as well!
As I research and spend time each week in the trenches of relationship work with my clients, I continue to be inspired by the brave couples and individuals with whom I'm privileged to work. I love helping them to cross the finish line of their dreams again and again whether it be via our very active email sign up newsletter, podcast listeners, those in the IG account community, our Fb group, YouTube page, TikTok or the many brave clients who share their life journey with my team and I.
This outreach is truly looking to help people one by one before the many, but I am in awe of the way we have also been able to reach many, with over a million podcast downloads and thousands of sessions between my staff and me.
You can be assured that as we offer relational care, we continue to learn from and integrate practice from the very best places in the world of family systems thinkers, brain, heart, and body research, and marriage and wellness research at large.
I take my inspiration and wisdom in most all I do from Christ and from the amazing researchers, therapists, and teachers I have been privileged to sit under at Wheaton for my Clinical Psych MA, Eastern Michigan University for my BA in both Communications & Media Studies and Psychology, along my AACC coaching training, and all of the wonderful Enneagram teachers and colleagues I have been thankful to learn from!
Most of all however, I credit the voices of those who have shared their pain and joys with me in the counseling and coaching realm. Out of my training and experience from working with couples came my brand new Enneagram in Marriage book, as well as my eight previous self-published books I could systematize and use in my sessions.
In essence, as a practitioner, I don’t diagnose or condemn others for their flaws (we are all growing!), but instead, I become a student of both their strengths and areas for growth. I love to help my community to find creative and strategic ways to help them to thrive as both individuals and as couples in a relationship. I have poured my research and passion into my programs and podcast and would love to restore love and safety to your life also and to bring fun and results-oriented tools! Get started on coaching or learn more about the types and your pairing in my book right here!
Want an even deeper dive into E + M and my counseling and coaching perspective?
If you’re looking for a good fit for your personality (totally important), personally, I am a warm, friendly, nurturing and creative person, a 7w6 (749 Tritype Gentle Spirit) who loves teaching and inspiring passionately with practical, life-giving tools and right now I have room for phone clients only but I have a select group of coaches and counselors I've trained at my local counseling and coaching practice and in specifically Enneagram + Marriage certified practitioners also of varying types and with varying gifts. I love laughing and bringing refreshment to those I serve but I also love going deep with people and I studied emotionally-focused couples therapy in grad school for that reason.
However growth happens, I think finding our flow each day is a great goal, to experience how to balance the best of our type work and our instinctual patterns so we can love others well, love our communities well, and find personal refreshment. After studying so many couples, I think there's a particular rhythm for finding this and maintaining it that I teach. When my clients and podcast listeners start walking in this cycle, they find more joy and refreshment in their life, as well as come to learn how their particular relationship glows or shines out in the world as they fine-tune their gifts individually and together. They also do their shadow work and find out what they need to lament, so they can honor the past and learn from it as well.
Who am I behind the scenes? Well, I grew up in Detroit with two parents and three older siblings and that shaped me quite a bit. My father, an 8, had an MA in English Lit and instilled in me a love for writing and the classics. My mother was a 9ish elementary teacher (and stay-at-home mother later) who didn't always think she was smart (even though she was valedictorian - very humble), doing an awesome job in everything she did, even while dealing with mental health issues, namely schizophrenia and later a stroke.
Her strength and recovery, along with her and my father's tumultuous-at-times but ultimately tragically beautiful and long marriage story inspired me to get into this field, to be an extension of my mom's voice for justice for the misunderstood, and to bring hope for reducing stigma around stress -- ultimately to lend hope where there is seemingly none.
I am also a huge Jane Austen and J.R.R. Tolkien lover (I don't think I can emphasize how much their writing blesses me and it’s sad how long it took me to get here to tell you this!) and I love reading these authors again and again to glean from their incredible human studies and characterization. I also am a huge music lover and must admit, my teen daughters and I adore Taylor Swift and her many creative ways of describing the stages of life and love - and that beat, tho!!! With my husband, son, and friends, I love having intellectual and philosophical conversations and also creating and playing mystery dinner games with our own Inklings of sorts (The Supper Sleuths).
Being a mom is a little hard for me to talk about, as I am so passionate about it but don't want to be a helicopter mom, which is hard for thinking types who are such planners. However, let's just say I adore my kids and their varied independent interests. My work gives us all a healthy dose of space and yet they are part of me always - all three of my kids have middle names from classic English literature characters, and they, along with all kids in my circle, are my heart song for trying my absolute best to leave a better world behind with my work and my life and love, especially on the hard days.
For the day-to-day life, aside from relationship study, podcasting, and creating, I love teaching my kids and writing, as well as having date nights with my husband Wes an Enneagram 1, whom I’ve been married to for twenty-three years this June 2024. We have been together for over twenty-seven years in total, and I have learned I must have those date nights to connect with him - we are both so busy and caring and we could lose ourselves otherwise.
In addition to the basics, however, our attachment healing has come largely from the HUGE impact the Enneagram has made in our lives as we’ve developed understanding and compassion together (especially in the post-honeymoon years, when compassion does not always flow as freely!). These special times and studies have not only kept us afloat but thriving (no perfection here, but I do know my routes and I’m determined to help you find yours!)
Although I love living in the SoFla ‘burbs I call "the Shire" with my family for the sake of the need for the peace and sobriety of a 7, I'm a major city girl naturally who greatly enjoys drinking of all of the lifeblood of possibility. A big-city day in New York or Chicago is always welcome in my books--but don’t get me started on how much I love the mountains or Michigan during beautiful ski season. (Would I really be a 7 if I didn't love a fun adventure?)
Still, the daily work of any Enneagram type is not just work and fun - it is also presence and rest. I work hard at being present where I am and work very hard to deal with the undercurrents of the "always researching" head-type in me. Work is ongoing until we pass the baton to others and I will gladly keep taking steps with you until that day.
Well, now that you know something about me, I’d be honored to learn more about YOU! Feel free to write any time @ enneagramandmarriage@gmail.com!
Looking forward to living life intentionally with you!
