Digging into the voices of our vices

We learned yesterday about conflict on the pod as we goal get this month.

What we learned from Tony and Alisa was fantastic - I love it!

But when we add our Enneagram work in, we really land in territory that allows us to make strides.

In your conflicts this week, be watching out for your own vice plus your spouse’s vice.

When we use those vices together, we crash big time! It’s not pretty and it’s a hard combo indeed!

Vice + Vice = A locked-in positioning where you’ve got a double grip and you’re farther (and farther) away from what the best pieces of your marriage are. happens more often than you think, too, since our vices are always there, saying something…

If you’re a 1, your vice says, you’ve earned the right to be angry at your spouse. They aren’t doing the best job.

If you’re a 2, your vice says, you’re doing the best job and you deserve praise and adoration

If you’re a 3, your vice says, your spouse doesn’t get it, not telling them the truth won’t hurt (or yourself, for that matter)

If you’re a 4, your vice says, why do they have it better over there, and what’s wrong with me (or my spouse, or us)?

If you’re a 5, your vice says, you don’t have enough and you may never have enough. Why won’t they just leave me alone?

If you’re a 6, your vice says, don’t trust. Argue every point. Don’t let the matter rest, security is not yours yet and your spouse needs to be better prepared.

If you’re a 7, your vice says, more satisfaction will take away the pain, just lean more into pleasure. Don’t let your spouse block you from this, either.

If you’re an 8, your vice says, you must be the change. You must do what you need to do to survive and punish those who try to stop you, even if it’s your spouse.

If you’re a 9, it doesn’t matter anyway, nothing does. Just let it be. Let it all be. Even if your spouse isn’t able to be there for you, it doesn’t matter, just numb it.

You can see right here from these mini examples that our vices leave us with unfinished and unraveled processes.

We can do better together as we recognize and listen! Need more help understanding your vices? Then check out our deep dive guides!

Vices are hard enough without self-critique or spousal critique. Instead, do a noticing and a shifting across time and take a deep breath before you ready, aim, and fire off loving action into your day!

If you find you are at an impasse with your spouse, reach out for support from a coach or counselor to help guide you both towards peace.