Facing our Personal Vices
As we open up to bettering ourselves on a deeper and more spiritual level, I must remind you that our spiritual walk toward love and grace for our spouse and their perspective is a lifelong work and not something you can time yourself or your spouse perfectly on.
Supposing what he or she “should” have learned by now doesn’t really take into account their own pacing or God’s pacing. On average, we tend to offer ourselves grace, while judging our spouses more harshly.
As you are reminded of each of your type’s vices and virtues (and be sure to listen to the Season 4 Deeper Dive Episode on your types if you need more or grab one of our deeper dives here), I want you to do some of your own personal work on your vice.
Instead of believing that this old defense mechanism is helping you, it’s time to face it squarely and see that it is blocking you from your actual life! Whether you’re a 1 and it’s deep-seated anger at self or others or a 3 and it’s self-deceit, it’s actually killing your good desires and causing a block in your closest relationships.
So instead of letting your vices run your life down to the ground, face this squarely and decide you will respond differently.
In addition to this, you must also take some steps to really let go - those steps are vital and at a basic level they are:
1. Ask yourself how your vice helped you as a child or in frightening seasons.
2. Give yourself compassion for choosing this vice instinctually. Take a good look at how it is no longer helping you long-term.
3. Lament what was difficult in your life and what is still difficult in your life.
4. Make meaning from your pain. See what God has done to grow you through trial. Release this negative option to respond to pain with your vice and remember your virtue. Learn more about vices and virtues with our freebies here!
5. Invite your spouse into this practice too if they are willing.
Remember, no judgement if they are willing to share openly about their deepest wounds - also, no using it against them later. It’s also OK if they don’t want to share the minute you’re doing your work - it’s deeply personal and may require some time or time with a therapist or coach for them to feel safe sharing. They may also frankly need to see you doing your work before they feel safe.
Our vices tend to stay with us for a lifetime to some degree and our spouse is no different.
However a gracious awareness of them in our own lives can help us to pause and pivot like never before, especially when we see how these vices are no longer the best solution or even close to being the best solution long-term!
Putting on your virtue and releasing to God as well is an exciting step that will help you so much! This is the biggest piece of your personal work and it takes time and intention! I know you can do it little by little!
