How one man changed his trajectory and legacy

It’s hard in marriage that sometimes our spouse knows our weak spots better than anyone else.

We can hide from so many and show them only the brightest, most “glowy” parts of ourselves, and then give our spouse the very last bits.

Yesterday you may have heard the very candid Dove award winner Matt Hammitt talk about this very thing on the podcast when he discussed his hit song, “Lead Me” and his wife’s reaction to it.

While he was ministering to people like myself in middle marriage darkness or shadows, he was forgetting his own marriage, as a type Nine, and his singing allowed him a balm but did not tend to his wife’s actual needs.

I don’t say that at all to shame or condemn Matt any more than to do that to you or me. We are all learning and growing and he was so honest I thought it was worth honing in on - I’ve done things like that countless times, too.

However, next week’s guest was also a friend of Matt’s and he said how wonderful it is to have a friend like Matt in his life since Matt is doing his work!!

Marriage is an excellent catalyst for this type of work and growth because it really causes us to look at ourselves - community learning helps to light the fire under us, not just others. I’m so grateful for this opportunity with you to look a little deeper. I want to ask you some questions as we do so.

Do you tell your spouse your hardest areas for marriage growth and are you offering them the chance to challenge you to grow? If you find this difficult, you may want to consider getting a certified E+M coach to help guide you both in this process.

If so, let them know that you care deeply about them and that you’re doing your work, and if it’s too intense, see if they will change up the pacing they’re asking of you - but don’t quit.

It may sound silly, but a lot of the time our spouse just needs to hear that we get it that they have gifts they can help us with.

They also need to hear that we know our issues and that we get annoyed by them just as much as they do, maybe more sometimes.

Not in a self-condemning way, but just in a way that says, “I see you and I see how sometimes when I get stuck in my vice in my fixation, I miss out on the good for us.”

Take a deep breath, and take a few moments to journal to see if there’s anything you can do about this outside of this spousal convo and get that on the schedule with intention as well.

As you might’ve heard, Matt had to shift work in order to be more present for his wife. He was also able to be there for his children more, even though there was a lot of pain in their lives and it was hard to bear (his story is fascinating over at www.matthammitt.com.)

However, he faced it instead of running away to what was more pleasant and ego-driven.

Doing so however, requires that he surrender spiritually as well, so don’t forget this important step in your journaling as well. God is ready and waiting for you to lean in there as you prepare to lift up a bit more and fire off!