Non-Verbal Communication
In modern-day life and marriage, we realize in particular that we are unable to focus non-verbally if we are blocked from really noticing one another with what researcher Gottman calls “Turning Towards Behaviors.”
In other words, if we aren’t even tuned in to one another or literally turned toward and focused, how in the world are we supposed to be able to communicate well? Focus is part of making every day greater, tuning in to your teammates at work, home, or in your family.
But not just a focus or tuning in that is looking for confirmation of a victim mentality…
But a tuning in that is looking for the good in the day, and a tuning into the nitty gritty of the lives of your people.
Donald Miller, one of the most famous communicators of our time reminds us that focus, optimism and positivity are critical factors of a life well-lived.
I want to add to that to remind you that tuning into others means putting away drama, confusion, or limiting beliefs about them such as…
Why should I listen to them first?
They don’t listen to my words or non-verbals.
I’m tired of being forgotten by everyone
I’m the most loyal one
No one helps me
I won’t be vulnerable to love first again
I won’t let them in…
As we consider personality types, the list can go on of all of the ways you can forget your own agency, or ability to act, and decide to stop giving and caring.
I invite you to go deeper.
I invite you to unusual love that doesn’t pull so hard on the past but looks ahead to hope in the now.
And I also ask you to take an inward look at your own non-verbals so you too can give love to yourself.
Are you tired? Get a rest.
Do you need fitness to wake up? Add that in also (I usually add both a rest and fitness to my day!)
Do you need a time of grief or lament? Light a candle and take that time.
Do you need to set a boundary with someone who is unhealthy emotionally? Do so so you can say your best “yes.”
As you finish reading this, take some quiet time now to decide how you will show up for both you and your people today with loving non-verbal communication. Check out my book, The Enneagram in Marriage to learn more!
Perhaps you will put the phone down each time someone connects. Perhaps you will breathe through resentment and forgive, or maybe start or finish a project, or lead with a small act of kindness that isn’t spoken.
Carry it forward into as many days this week as possible, too!
Be sure to listen to the E + M podcasts if you need more tips and tools for your week!! Learn more about how to connect and communicate with your spouse in our 5 week course beginning LIVE Jan. 11th 2024 or on-demand afterwards.
