Seasons of Marriage

Just like the world had seasons so do marriages.

I want to walk you through the different seasons we go through in marriage. We call these the Glow Stages and you can find a free PDF here!

Stage 1 is called Shine or Dawn, the early part of a relationship when things are endearing and new.

Stage 2 is called Heal, the time in marriage when you’re truly allowing one another’s gifts to rub off and courage runs fairly high as you help one another achieve dreams not possible alone.

Stage 3 is when Shadows fall, just like the spring and summer will inevitably turn to autumn, and then sometimes winter or darkness comes. This is when we forget what our partner has done and we believe we have risen up alone, we are indignant that our spouse does not agree with us and we resist the natural settling rhythms by insisting on an eternal youth. Sometimes we do get a winter slumber of comfort here but often we instead part ways before we get the deeper, rooted growth.

I come in here with you to remind you to dig deep. As Tolkien also said, “Deep roots are not reached by the frost.”

If you need support or accountability, consider getting a coach or therapist.

So thus, the next HEALTHY stage here you can do is one of immersion. Do your work.

Your personal work which keeps you a victim needs to be addressed, and indeed some digging up, some sifting, and victim mentalities need a proper weeding so you can graft in your best growth only when you emerge.

Hopefully you both do this but we are complex humans. Sometimes we grow at different rates, just as in your garden sometimes weeds surround or attack one species more than another. We can’t be immaturely counting here but truly and graciously doing our own self care and showing nurture. Of course we also need boundaries here so we don’t try to do our partner’s work fully even as we help them as best as we reasonably can. 

Before you then approach the following stages of finding your Glow 2.0 and the beautiful Afterglow where you get to influence one another and the world on a deeper level, you need to have done this work.

Then and only then can you truly shine out with your brightest glow together. You will need to remember the stages and the fact that they are not mutually exclusive also. So it’s ok if you have days when you fall into shadow.

But honor and remember the work you do and celebrate growth. Keep planting new ideas and dreams and nurture the growth you’ve got, sparse as it may be. Do not give up on date nights, personal care, goals, rest, your spiritual work or any of it.

We are going to need this in the coming seasons indeed as trials of age and loss mount.

But for now, be present - tomorrow has enough concerns of its own, so plan in general but remember you are not there yet.

Be present and do the work required of your current stage.

Encourage, love, shine, glow but do something good with the gifts of today. You will never forget sharing love in the world. 💗💗💗

Find more ways to connect with your spouse in our 5 week relationship course or in our book, “Enneagram in Marriage.”