The triads and all there is to learn!

Have you ever thought about how every single Enneagram type has a line of connection with every other type because of triads?

This was one of my favorite realizations when Stephanie Spencer talked about her new book, Out of the Box and Into the Wild on the podcast yesterday. I was so touched by the fact that she reminded us, and the depths of her 4 space, there is always hope for connection here in these spaces.

Ask yourself which of these spaces you align with your spouse:

Is it the head heart and body group? Is it the conflict group? Is it the worldview? Maybe even some non-Enneagram groups, like John Gottman’s “explorer group”, or the “nestbuilder” or one you create or develop or notice all on your own?

What I found also even more compelling about our conversation yesterday in this regard was that Stephanie reminded us that even if we differ in terms of triad, we can always choose to meet amicably in the triad portion or third that neither of us is a part of…

For instance, if you are a sexual type and your partner is a self-preserving type, you can find some joy together in the social space. Learn more about Enneagram instincts with this freebie!

If you are both body types, you can use either the head space or the heart space to meet. These may feel like foreign spaces at first, but let me assure you, it’s wonderful to have hope even if we have to struggle to find our life together. 

Life, as I’m surely learning as a 7, is indeed full of struggle as well as strength and finding your stride.

It’s so important that you realize planning only helps us so far - doing is part of it, not just understanding it.

Let’s ask this question then: what are the pivots you’re willing to try first as you think about triads.

Will you meet with your spouse today in the heart space? Will you commit to a head-to-head even though you’re both body types?

Will you have a discussion about how one of you is relationally wired and the other idealistically or pragmatically wired? 

Try to meet in the “third space” if you can’t find a line of connection in either of your typical patterns. You may even want to try this otherwise. Wes and I are both idealists, so I like meeting him in the practical spaces sometimes and just getting cozy together!

Remember this: The Enneagram was after all realized to help us expand and to grow. But WE have to step into it. Together. Deep breath with you (literally, we are ON it, I believe in us!) 🥳💕

Find more ways to connect with your spouse in our 5 week relationship course or in our book, “Enneagram in Marriage.”