Actions that Set the Mood for L-O-V-E!
When you WANT to be romantic but the vibes just aren’t there, I get it. I get that you’re hurt, that you’re exhausted, and that sometimes all you want to do is cover your head and start over the next day.
I have to be honest, that’s not always the worst idea. You may be surprised to hear me say that but the truth is, sometimes romance isn’t possible. In Ecclesiastes, we learn that there are times for things. So it is indeed OK if you’ve got a terrible headache, toothache, had a bad day with a parent or child, or even one another, and just can’t feign it.
On those days, romance looks different. It looks more like romancing yourself, and that’s OK. Maybe it looks like lighting a candle (glow!), starting a bath, and getting lost in a book versus just an all-out sleep festival.
But either way, it looks like refreshment and grace.
On those days, I know it’s hard, but I’m asking you to lean in just enough to your spouse to make a plan that works for the next time of intentional romance!
Let them know that plan and don’t break it. Here are a few ideas to get the two of you romancing one another with intention this month. Pick two or three and put them on the calendar.
Have a bookstore date where the two of you find a poetry or love section (or self-help) and learn and grow together with wit or some bedroom chatter (foreplay!) as you speak poetry over one another
Get going on a walk and talk and allow yourselves to dream for not the family or work, but for the two of you.
What are projects you two are both passionate about? Even if it’s something very simple such as both liking a certain travel destination, talk about it at length, dreaming a bit. Don’t feel pressured to make plans.
Often it’s lovely to go back in time and linger over dinner on some of your favorite past memories.
Take number 4 one step further and list out ten favorite memories together, 5 apiece.
Buy something lovely for the bedroom; a candle, a negligee, or a scent or bed decor that makes you sense the romance before it’s even begun.
Talk to one another about what you each find most attractive in the sensual areas.
Make sure you lean into one another’s hearts. I wish I could write it out in the skies (to go back to our flying analogy). Listening goes SO far! Keep tuning in and being your spouse’s greatest support.
Bring positivity to the conversations after talking about stress.
Lastly, if the stressful season is big, try to find 6-10 hours of quality time a week where you don’t discuss it at all.
As you can see, romance comes with intention. What will you begin with this month? Write it on your calendar. Let’s bring that warm glow some kindling together with these tips in mind!
Get more accountability and support with a certified E+M coach here or in our book, “The Enneagram in Marriage.”
