Body Work is Essential in Marriage
What are the pandemic changes of life doing to our bodies, relationships, and our work-life balance? Well, as a culture, we're now working all the craziest hours and we are often seated, often on devices, and often scattering work at the oddest hours of the day.
(If you're familiar with the "Achiever" personality, we've now culturally got a Type 3-esque dauntless performer mode going all day).
In fact, research from the most recent Psychology Today edition suggests that we've added an average of 48 minutes a day to our workload but that it's scattered into spots in the day when we were formerly replenishing. As you know, many experience burnout at this hard-to-manage pace and then stop working altogether or crash with a mental health disorder.
While it's not easy to look at, it's so important because there's such hope as you both own it and address it.
We already know what's at stake. While in the past, we thought all of our processing was done in a sort of thinking-machine concept of our brain, we now realize our brains are locked in an intricate dance with the body.
And what's more, this interplay and neural conversation is greatly influenced by our fitness and also our hormones, diet, sleep, and even our time in nature, hence today's podcast.
So why don't we get more active and healthy? It seems like an easy solution at first glance.
In my view, people don’t usually skip wellness practices just because they don't want to do them, this is definitely NOT the case for those who have shared their stories with me. No, most of us know how good we feel after we work out and take care of ourselves.
When people tell me their story over the last two decades of why they no longer take care of their bodies, there's always a gleam in their eyes and a wistful tone as they tell me about a time when they were at their peak.
Then what stops them? MOST of the people are actually showing up and serving others so hard that they don’t make time for self-care.
They feel guilty to take time for themselves as it feels like it's something they can take out of their day with the fewest consequences.
They rationalize, I can see more clients if I eat fast food, I will have more time if I skip the workout today, and I will be home on time for the family...
These may feel very true to you but may I be blunt?
Your family wants you healthy. Your clients want you healthy and at your best. And your body, as Bessel Van Der Kolk brilliantly reminds us, does indeed keep the score.
We all need about 3.5 hours a day of rest and wellness to find that "Goldilocks zone" of near-perfect R & R, which averages about 23.5 hours a week, or about a 1/7 perspective.
So here's my reminder to you. Instead of thinking that these areas of self-care and rest are going to make your life harder, they actually quite scientifically make your life MUCH more successful.
So when I ask you to focus on self-care emotionally, physically, and mentally this month for your life and/or marriage, I am not asking you to hoard it, I am not asking you to be perfect at it, or even telling you exactly what you'll need to do since all bodies are different.
But I am asking you to replenish and then from this space, to share even better with the world and with your family for the main parts of the day.
You can do it. Your body was made for resilience and gives you very subtle clues if only you pay attention to what will make you thrive. Here are a few tips to get you back to it:
- Enjoy and reflect on the meals and workouts and your varying needs. Notice what kinds of workouts will fuel you well during your day (men) and your day and your four-week cycle (women) (I highly recommend the Fitr Woman app which I use to track my fitness so I don't overdo...)
- Listen to your body as you try it out for size. No one knows it better than you. What’s working? What’s a good next step?
- How’s your sleep? What do you think would give you optimal performance? For some of us, it's finally logging off and reading, and for others, it's lighting, temp, and such.
- Spend time in nature each day, even if it's just opening a window or looking at a picture (yes, research shows even this helps!)
This is where today’s podcast crosses with this blog. I talk to you about the female hormone cycle, which you can also read all about here since every couple needs to know her peak times for productivity as well as to know how to gracefully move through the darker (if you're a Tayor Swift album fan) Evermore days...
And I'm also joined by Katy Beckham of the 6-1 pairing, a biologist who talks with us not only about her 1-6 marriage but also about what we can all do to bring the best of nature to make sure our bodies and minds have the healthiest balance.
I hope you have a wonderful week as you take this all into account!
And happy MLK Day to you also. May we continue to show love, grace, and justice for all in his memory today and always.
Love living intentionally with you,
Christa
PS: Take a listen to the podcast here!
PPS: See our upcoming February events below.
- Our Valentine’s free marriage virtual E + M conference is Feb 8, 7-9PM EST and you can sign up here
- Our E + M Coaches Certification Course is here. The course is only running one time this year so make sure you sign up if you want to gain certification to work with couples using the best Enneagram and Marriage tools and frameworks.
