Braving Financial Convos in Marriage
As you walk through your holidays, money may be on the top of your mind, but don’t worry if you haven’t gotten around to those big financial conversations with your spouse. I know it’s hard enough to set the date and even harder to sit down together.
But do yourself a favor if you’re still stuck in scheduling battles with yourselves in a busy season…
And this is a great rule of thumb for you moving ahead also.
Don’t make any big decisions around this area until you do.
Don’t buy the car, don’t get the loan, don’t open the new account, and unless it’s pressing and you’re stacking up fees, don’t cancel anything.
Wait until you can truly give it time, and at least do some of it together.
How much time do you need?
1. Set 2-3 solid hours out and give yourself healthy snacks or a bit of coffee that will keep you awake just before also.
2. Set a fun marriage treat for yourself afterwards also! If your budget is tiny right now, share a sunset or a stroll and an ice cream cone.
3. Clean the area around the money convo, it feels lighter when there’s room.
4. Take deep breaths as needed also so you don’t get overwhelmed.
5. Afterwards, treat yourself! If it’s a little more indulgent, enjoy a full on fun night out - whatever floats your boat! Try to lean into your spouse’s interests and needs as well as your own.
Also, and this is so important!
Remember that they have different desires for safety and security than you and that their routes will differ to get there. Allow both perspectives for a more rich and balanced life.
We also must truly guard our lips from speaking rudely to our spouses or about them. The words we use matter.
Here are a few tips to shore you up as you lean in together:
Try to use "we" instead of "me" a little more to really improve upon your teamship.
When your spouse speaks to you, lean in and turn towards them. This is the number one predictor of a good relationship actually, above Enneagram learning!
Try to take a nice deep breath when you're feeling overloaded! It matters deeply, according to so much brain and body research!
As you probably know from the best financial planners, you don’t want to skimp on your marriage for anything as you work on your goals.
You and the peace that comes your way from slowing down and pacing are indeed worth it.
Find more ways to connect with your spouse in our 5 week relationship course or in our book, “Enneagram in Marriage.”
