Attachment Styles & Enneagram Types

Which Enneagram types go best with others? How do attachment styles relate to type? Well, contrary to popular belief, any Enneagram type can have any style of attachment, secure, anxious, or disengaged/withdrawn? These are defenses and because all have varying degrees of trauma and health, we use them in various times and in various ways.

Also, in our desperation to make or to keep the "best" match, we often miss doing some of our own work and instead plunge ahead in desperation using our old familiar attachment styles.

Whether you're reading here today as an anxiously attached person or from an avoidant or secure attachment style, I hope you join us for the below tips for each Enneagram type as well as this E + M podcast talk with my friend Dr. Christie Kederian, EdD, MFT that really offers you a fresh opportunity to take a healthy pause and realign yourself with the best relationship choices you can make!

I'm so fascinated by the research that Dr. Christie Kederian, EdD, MA, MFT, former E-Harmony researcher brings as she joins us as a guest on the E + M show talking about all of this with us. She's an Enneagram 3 in a 3-3 Pairing (our final type 3 pairing to discuss on the pod!) also! (Not only is Dr. Christie a National Dating & Relationship Expert and a representative of Education for California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, but she's been featured on ABC, NBC, LA Times, Wall Street Journal & more!)

Here’s a few tips for each Enneagram type about attachment styles in the meantime:

Type 1 - In an unhealthy 1 state, you can be anxiously attached as well as a bit aggressive! Make sure you balance but don’t go too far into withdrawing either as well as address deep-seated anxiety with learning more about the arrow work of the type 1 on our podcast and Deep Dive on type 1. We also have lots of freebies on learning more about the tendencies of a 1 right here!

Type 2 - In an unhealthy 2 state, you can be anxiously attached as well as a bit aggressive in using flattery to get your needs met with manipulation! Make sure you balance but don’t go too far into codependency either as well as address deep seated anxiety with learning more about the arrow work of the type 2 on our podcast and Deep Dive on type 2. We also have lots of freebies on learning more about the tendencies of a 2 right here!

Type 3 - In an unhealthy 3 state, you can be anxiously attached as well as a bit aggressive. Make sure you balance but don’t go too far into withdrawing either and trying to find a new mate to attune to (3s are really good at starting a relationship but being in one is much harder and a better challenge for them) as well as address deep seated anxiety with learning more about the arrow work of the type 3 on our podcast and Deep Dive on type 3. We also have lots of freebies on learning more about the tendencies of a 3 right here!

Type 4 - In an unhealthy 4 state, you can be disengaged at times and at times quite reactive. Make sure you balance the two sides and do self esteem work as well to remember all have something to learn and to teach as well as address deep-seated anxiety by learning more about the arrow work of the type 9 on our podcast and Deep Dive on type 4. We also have lots of freebies on learning more about the tendencies of a 4 right here!

Type 5 - In an unhealthy 5 state, you can be disengaged at times and at occasional times, overly demanding. Make sure you balance the two sides and do self-esteem work as well to remember all have something to learn and to teach as well as address deep-seated anxiety with learning more about the vice of the 5, avarice as well as address deep seated anxiety with learning more about the arrow work of the type 5 on our podcast and Deep Dive on type 5. We also have lots of freebies on learning more about the tendencies of a 5 right here!

Type 6 - In an unhealthy 6 state, you can be anxiously engaged at times quite reactive. Make sure you balance your anxiety with bodywork and self esteem work so you’re not overly dependent as well as address deep seated anxiety with learning more about the arrow work of the type 6 on our podcast and Deep Dive on type 6. We also have lots of freebies on learning more about the tendencies of a 6 right here!

Type 7 - In an unhealthy 7 state, you can be anxiously attached as well as a bit aggressive. Make sure you balance but don’t go too far into withdrawing either as well as address deep seated anxiety by learning more about the arrow work of the type 7 on our podcast and Deep Dive on type 7. We also have lots of freebies on learning more about the tendencies of a 7 right here!

Type 8 - In an unhealthy 8 state, you can be anxiously attached as well as quite aggressive. Make sure you balance but don’t go too far into withdrawing either as well as address deep seated anger/sadness and anxiety with learning more about the arrow work of the type 8 on our podcast and Deep Dive on type 8. We also have lots of freebies on learning more about the tendencies of an 8 right here!

Type 9 - In an unhealthy 9 state, you can be disengaged at times and at occasional times, overly demanding. Make sure you balance the two sides and do self-esteem work as well to remember all have something to learn and to teach as well as address deep-seated anxiety by learning more about the arrow work of the type 9 on our podcast and Deep Dive on type 9. We also have lots of freebies on learning more about the tendencies of a 9 right here!

So keep the above tips in mind really showing up with the best of research today (Dr. Christie is admittedly a fellow research junkie along with those of us here!) for those who are still seeking a mate also since it's sooooo important to make sure you're searching from a place of authenticity and wisdom versus desperation and low self-esteem.

This new pod drop is one you definitely don't want to miss if you're seeking a relationship or just want to make sure you're balanced and secure in your own! Also, make sure you share this show with anyone you love who wants tips for dating! Christie's advice in this area is simply the best!

Love Dr. C’s quote right here too straight from the episode! “You can be any Enneagram number with any attachment style but what you want to keep in mind is, “How does my attachment style trigger some of those core fears and desires and some of the behaviors that I exhibit when I’m more in my healthy space?” Dr. Christie Kederian, Ed.D, LMFT, Enneagram & Marriage Podcast