Accessing the Heart for Every Enneagram Type in Relationship
For those who are curious, attunement literally means "tuning in together" and when we're trying to both be close as well as solve issues, it's important to know that if you aren't in step with one another's hearts, you simply won't get anywhere.
As a type 2 on the Enneagram, Melissa's focus and gift are on helping your hearts to lean in towards one another, which slows you down, regulates your bodies together, and helps you to really find safety before charging ahead with your mission, leaving your spouse, family, or friends behind in the dust.
Though Melissa goes into depth on every type, here are some basic tips for each Enneagram type in terms of attunement and finding their hearts.
Type 1s need to really put side being “right” in order to just love people where they are at. They need to remember not to judge and that there is not a hero or a villain.
Type 2s already attune so well to others but they need to self-attune so they know not only what they’re feeling but also what they’re thinking and doing so they can get self care and self regulate also. This way they aren’t too expectant of their partner.
Type 3s need to attune to their partners without being harsh as their partner can lean away if they feel hurt or that their three will try to “one up” them.
Type 4s attune with the heart of your partner but they don’t always slow down and let their partners talk.
Type 5s need to open up and trust that there will be energy for the important conversations, because they don’t feel there will be. Trust me, it takes more to close your heart than to open it a bit.
Type 6s need to stop to listen as they tend to rush in with worries. Slow down, pause, and breathe.
Type 7s need to stop to listen instead of rushing in with a flood of ideas. Release your deep-lying worries to God.
Type 8s need to make sure they leave full room for others in the conversation as they can take over with their passion and miss the heart of their spouse or partner.
Type 9s need to work on attunement with themselves so they can find their thoughts and needs and find a way to be heard even if it takes repeating, standing in, and speaking up several times. People see your peace and may need reminders. You’re worth it.
For all Enneagram types, instead of relationship competition to see who attunes better, however, Melissa reminds us it is a process and that each type has a different struggle and gift and that this will be more natural for some than others. The goal is to use our gifts with humility together and to grow so we can glow brightly in our love and in the world together, too.
Take the journey of learning to attune with us so you can actively learn on multiple levels about how to move from top-down mental processing right into the heart and body space. Gottman has researched this for the past thirty years with literal electrodes on the participants of the Love Lab so all things YES to combining E + M with the very best in marriage research at large.
