Dealing with Conflict

I know that conflict certainly isn’t the most fun or approachable topic in marriage but it’s soooo essential.

And as much as we have been given the opportunity to examine which of the Gottman Four Horsemen we are using and trying to balance our conflict styles with, I want to encourage you to be patient with your mate when they fall short.

Yes I want you to have hope for making strides, but I always want you to also remember your spouse is growing at their own very different pace.

Things hit them at different times than you get hit by them and we can’t assume our spouses live in a vacuum as they process conflict styles with us. 

I specifically want to remind you to talk to your spouse about the best general times that they are willing to talk out conflict with you.

Here are a few ideas:

1. Discuss issues weekly and plan a time to do that. Consider using the Enneagram Glow Relationship Planner.
2. Discuss issues as they occur.
3. Discuss each of your conflicts together or separately.
4. Discuss issues monthly.
5. Discuss issues daily at the end of the day. Cut off before bedtime for rest and agree to reapproach the next scheduled time.

As you can see, there’s no one right time for discussing issues but there is one theme amongst all of them. Discuss them! If you need support here, consider getting an E+M certified coach here.

Do not give that up for anything. For Wes and I, we like to talk things out when the kids aren’t home if possible. They are at the teen years and really almost always there. It makes us feel right and safer to find our time when we can really hash it out.

This week I’ve been reminded it doesn’t have to be a battle but it DOES need to happen. Research all over supports this!

Keep listening to the podcast as you continue to take brave steps to talk out the issues you share! Take a deep breath. I’m doing it with you and offering grace as well with you.