Time to Open Up your Love Together

We are going to look deeply together at how to unfreeze not only the winter months from our clenched bodies but also how to unfreeze ourselves from our defense strategies - whether fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

We talked about attachment with Jackie Brewster on the podcast this week and all about how when we truly become safe together, here the real warmth is found.

I like how Gottman says it. “If you can see past a person’s anger, sadness, or fear to recognize the hidden need, you open up new possibilities for relationship.”

Whether you’re struggling with heart, head, or body types of issues, let me walk you through a few ways to let go of defenses.

Choose one strategic method you can set a habit for this week and try to employ it starting today in one of these areas that you’ve been struggling with lately, even if it’s outside of your normal realm of repressed center of intelligence.

Head - If you’re feeling distrustful in a fight or flee response this year, you may be skittish, unnecessarily private or otherwise mentally unavailable in your marriage this week.

This will definitely prevent healthy attachment so make sure you take brave steps to step back in with honesty and truth - tell your spouse what it is exactly that you need to build trust back. Also, choose creative outlets so you don’t expect your spouse to serve you when it’s really time for you to do some soul care of your own.

Heart - If you’re noting extra sensitivity and hurt feelings this week in a fight or fawn response, then make sure you give yourself time with God to digest these feelings.

And if you want more, grab one of our deeper dives here!

Often humans need spiritual time and this will inform the issues you have with your spouse. Also, take note of extra rest needed in case some of your stress is more about exhaustion than real issues in marriage.

Body - If your bodily anger is showing up more this week in a fight response, understand one thing first. This is your body asking for you to listen to its instinct for justice. However, you must also remember your spouse or others you are upset with also have to follow their own rhythms.

How can you release stress and tension as you decide what to do. Figure out one thing you can do to lower your blood pressure this week, whether it be fitness, breath work, or more quality time laughing and loving together!

Now it’s time to put these tips into practice. Your warmth will indeed increase as you lean in, rest a bit in between the work, and allow your body’s rhythms to relax into a joyous new and warmer, more glorious and glowy Spring sunrise of love.

Find more ways to connect with your spouse in our 5 week relationship course or in our book, “Enneagram in Marriage.”