Enneagram 5 Deeper Dive
“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. - Jane Austen, Emma
As we delve deep into the innovative and systematic mind of an Enneagram 5, I had to choose between a quote from a few of my favorites who are thought to be Fives - Tolkien, Austen, and the prolific marriage researcher John Gottman.
Austen won out here with her succinct yet truly deeply romantic love under wraps and I hope that as 5s and their spouses or partners read here and listen to this podcast episode, they feel more understanding around the often understated love of a 5.
Despite the logical style of processing of a 5, anyone who knows a 5 well knows that a huge helper heart is a part of them when they are in touch with their virtues of openness - it’s just a measured part since they struggle with believing they will have enough energy for all the tasks at hand or the competency to do it in a straightforward, open manner.
Indeed, they can help someone who is overly anxious or emotionally labile with their brilliant ideas, reserved, gallows-humor, or survivalist-style of engagement. In that way, they are often the very best of the types to walk through stressful places without losing their footing because of their foresight and resourceful.
Unfortunately, they can miss out on deeper emotional connections by overusing this logical style that at many points, likely helped them through a very difficult times. This is because intimacy at its best is also about opening the heart and allowing in softer emotional language, using feelings words, and leaning in instead of out when their partner or family is facing something hard.
This can’t happen with the 5 putting their walls up and making themselves a mystery no one can solve. Instead of the belief that emotional arousal leads to only desperate thirst traps, the healthy 5 does less testing of others and eases into sharing openly, to stepping in versus out, and by allowing the mysterious and incalculable current of life to wash over them in refreshment and balance.
We will help 5s to approach this, however tentatively, since growth comes step by step on this streamlined, clarity-bringing episode series.
As Jenn and I walk you through the ins and outs of the 5, our goal is to give you a detailed look at ways they can thrive and be refreshed in a life and marriage setting.
As we cover type 5 on this episode, we discuss:
The gifts and best traits of a 5
The three subtypes of a 5 (5s want to let go of feelings of incompetency or lack, but they go after it in various ways depending on their subtype)
How to manage the avarice (the closing of the heart/resources) and the stinginess to preserve self (the passion and fixation of the 5)
How to give more fluidly without complete depletion so they can open up to true intimacy when they're ready for that.
The growth path for the 5 as they incorporate virtue and the best features from other complementary types (commonly called wings and arrows).
And perhaps most importantly, we share tips for type 5 individuals as they learn to bring their spouses and friends toward them into their inner domain more so their partners can see the caring heart is indeed inside.
Also, when the spouse they can see that the 5 is actually trying to provide for and plan for the family in deep and meaningful introverted ways, it’s a delight to see a 5 and their mate share not just from a limited, cerebral perspective but to see the relationship open to a sacred trust that can’t be broken by anything or anyone.
As you explore the 5 in marriage to the depths, I hope you love the PDF guides we made for you also! The PDFs go even deeper than the podcasts for several hours of reading and learning about 5s in every season of marriage, in levels of relationship health and stress, tips for spouses, and so much more!
