Beatrice Chestnut on Instincts in Marriage Conflict

"…The longer you’re together in a relationship the more danger there is of not really listening to your partner, not really seeing them how they actually are, but seeing them through a lens that’s colored very much by your own early templates for a relationship."
-Beatrice Chestnut, The Enneagram & Marriage Podcast, Season 4, Episode 15

On this podcast, we're so excited to welcome world-renowned Enneagram teacher, thought leader, and coach Beatrice Chestnut as our guest expert. As March opens, we begin a month of focusing on healing conflict in marriage and relationships together.

We are particularly learning from Bea about how our often deeply-laden instincts guide our decisions in life and marriage, sometimes conflicting with the natural instincts of our spouse. These long-term patterns have been shaped by family lore and even our own personal historical survival and comfort.

While at times the instincts really are helping us to survive and thrive, in other moments they are hurting our relationships because we are overprotecting ourselves unnecessarily by these default, knee-jerk reactions if we’re not intentional.

I loved talking with Bea about how we have each experienced this personally, as well as how observing a partner’s stuck points adds yet another challenging layer to the necessary dance of growth.

However, the more we try to take brave, balancing steps we will talk about, not only with our dominant instinct but in learning to bring in other helpful instincts in a balanced way, the more we can really see, change, and grow together as a collective.

I am so happy to share this episode with you as the instincts are one of my favorite topics in marriage. I am truly hopeful that you will find a lot of insight as well as extremely tangible tips as you tune in. It really is a deep dive!