Glow Even Through the Fires
I meet with couples all the time who have an abundance of conflict and while it’s important and even essential to work it out, we also really need to realize that balancing out our reactivity with logic and positivity as well is the recipe for healthy conflict processing.
Case in point, when we have a conflict, we need to have hope for it. Even if we don’t feel help, we can still speak it to ourselves and one another.
We can do this by telling a healthy narrative of love and compassion. Read more about this in my book, “The Enneagram in Marriage.”
We can show emotional reactivity that is healthy and balanced by showing passion but not screaming at someone, by letting tears show up but not in a manipulative way that controls somebody.
We can also show logic by allowing an issue to get resolved with some sort of compromise in most cases.
But most of all what I want to welcome you in with as a reminder this month is a reminder that our positive faith is of utmost importance here
As you work, yes you need breaks for play and sleep and intimacy but you also just need time to release your stress and worries to God. Your spouse cannot carry it all.
I welcome you in to practice a daily faith walk with me. Currently, in the Christian faith tradition, it is the month of Lent.
More accurately, it is 40 days of focus on the ways God has given to us. Inviting spirituality into your conflict management this month helps you to shoulder the burden less also.
Allowing in a time of faith and taking deep breaths and releasing all of it to God helps so much even as you try to be strategic.
Now, with these strategies for balancing logic, reactivity, and positivity as well as a time of leaning on God, your strategy sessions with your spouse don’t have to take more than five minutes at a time in fact in most cases.
This is because we know the conversations will be ongoing — life is continually complex and has to be navigated regularly. Make them short and sweet with lots of love in between.
We’ll talk more this month about conflict but for starters, starting with spirituality allows your spouse to see that you have a deep, healthy glow inside of you that burns even when they’re not doing very well - and you’ll begin to see it for yourself, too.
