How is your childhood influencing your marriage?

In your work on yourself, sometimes it can be really easy to get narrow-minded. Interestingly, sometimes we even have that in marriage, where we need to focus on what's here and now instead of our past.

But I also want to remind you that when you're stuck in the current state of marriage, and you see difficult patterns emerge, it's sometimes OK and even necessary to do a “metacog” of sorts and find out the root.

If you listened to this week’s episode, you know Jay Stringer reminded us of this also.

And so I want to echo an important question for you…

What are you carrying forth from childhood that may be an unhealthy limiting belief?

Exercise: Take some time to draw out a tree with lots of branches. On each branch, write a symptom you’re experiencing emotionally or in terms of negative thoughts (ex: moody, anxious, fearful) Also consider finding someone to talk through these feelings with like a certified coach or therapist.

Then, ask yourself what the root of these thoughts are. See if they go deeper than just your spouse. Perhaps you’ve projected contempt onto them when it’s your parents who missed your needs.

Try to remind yourself of how loved you are, how well you were made. If you are a person of faith, share some powerful verses to remind yourself of how special and adored you are. You may even write a verse around the branches in contrast to remind yourself that while feelings are important, they are not the full truth of you and who you are.

As you release your stress and your spouse from contempt, it doesn’t mean you spew hatred in your parents’ direction of course, but it does mean you lay down more arms against your spouse and truly begin doing your work on you for healthier self-narratives, self care, and then loving your people with newly extended and healthier branches.

Thanks for being brave, I am so inspired and you get to rest, too, as needed!