Let’s light the fires of healthy and true intimacy together!

It’s one thing to say that we are going to do our work, and it’s quite another to really sat down the steps that it will take.

Yesterday on our double-episode podcasts, we had two very helpful individuals give us tips for how to walk from sexual shame to success.

Their remedy for us was fairly direct, and I liked how both had the same basic message, even though Jessica Harris shared from a female perspective, and Matt Cline shared from a male perspective.

Their tips were awesome, so let me remind you here in case you need the reminder, whether you’ve had a chance to tune in yet or not!

Number one, you need to know that you are not loathsome to God or healthy others when you struggle.

You are still loved, and you still have deep worth. Even if you or someone you love told you that you were worthless, or did things to make you feel worthless, that was not and will never be true - you are priceless. 

Number two, it’s really important that you tell somebody about the sexual struggles in your life if it’s ongoing - sharing helps a lot.

It’s SO MUCH hard to let go of patterns of dysregulation without any accountability so a very important step for you is sharing with someone who you believe will be safe. Try another person if the first person you tried was not in a good space to support you - perhaps they were dysregulated.

Number three, make sure you find other ways to self-soothe and set boundaries as you replace this behavior. Without realizing it, your sexual struggle may be taking over for some other work you need to do so being thoughtful and curious helps as well.

Don’t feel bad to get a helper or coach for this season of life. This could be a very important moment for you where you divulge something that you’ve never shared, piece by piece.

It will be so wonderful for you to experience freedom and care from someone who made this mission their life’s career (for a reason) on the other side of this shame cycle.

If you are not actively struggling today, make sure you let your friends know if and when YOU are safe to talk to.

There are SO many people with sexual issues in the world and being part of the support in the healing in whatever non-triggering ways you can is a wonderful gift to us all. It’s also OK not to if you’re too triggered, of course!

Let’s light the fires of healthy and true intimacy together!

Find more ways to connect with your spouse in our 5 week relationship course or in our book, “Enneagram in Marriage.”