Letting Go of Resentments
When you wake up first thing in the morning, you have what author of Atomic Habits James Clear calls “decisive moments.” You wake up, feel some release from the ways your body slept off the stresses of the day before, and now…
Now is your moment to choose your own path. Will you jump into a good mental habit or get started immediately down a path of resentments and stress?
These decisive moments mean everything to good habit forming and I want to help you to form some great habits in your marriage or family. You may even want to consider choosing an E+M certified coach to give you some support here.
So how can we make each day a good one and not a resentful one, as much as is in our power?
Although we each have some personality tendencies from birth - some of us are more or less neurotic - we also each thankfully have choices right here.
I want you this week to be mindful of how you’re waking up, first of all, so you can make the most of your fresh, decisive moments.
And secondly, how you’re going to do this is simple.
Upon waking up or within the hour, I want you to intentionally notice with gratitude ten good things in your life, however minimal they are each day.
Car snowed in? Celebrate being thankful for the chance to shovel or rest at home.
No extra spending money after Christmas? Be thankful for a time of getting thrifty and celebrate the fun you had with reflections on your favorite moment.
Most of the time I do this ten gratitudes practice the very second I wake up so I don’t miss the moment to make the day a great one.
When I mentally list out my gratitudes, I add my family at or near the top of the list and then I add in some of the things I am thankful for besides - interesting work, community, rest, food, blankets, whatever I’ve got in that moment.
I like to find 10 gratitudes or close to that because often fewer than 5 doesn’t get my mindset to as healthy of a space. Remember, humans are often negative scanners (since we are always scanning unconsciously for safety) so overriding with extra gratitude really helps us.
As you put this new behavior on (or likely revive it from the past), I also want you to include your spouse in these gratitudes. Grab one of our Glow Guides if you need some inspiration here!
Spend time considering their mindset and all they have on their plate each day and then speak love over them or show love to them after you’ve done this small act in your mind.
And if they’ve already left the home for the day by the time you do your gratitudes, send them a voice note or a text/picture that would be meaningful to them.
Do they love the birdhouse out back? Take a picture of it. Do they long for intimacy? Send them a red heart or a kiss emoji and let them know you can’t wait to keep them warm tonight or on this week’s date.
In other words, combatting the blues and unhealthy resentment is cured by active gratitude and acts of love.
According to this month’s edition of Psychology Today, even just a 30 second act of kindness means so very much to the recipient, in fact more than we believe it will.
Your day will have such a brighter glow when you truly embrace gratitude in the midst of the harder or darker moments. And I’m excited to see you brighten your day and the day of those around you as you begin to embrace this active good habit and bring it into your new year.
Make a note in your phone right now for the ten gratitudes and any other resentment-stopping habits you wanted to remember from the pod to start your day out well today, tomorrow, and each day!
Habit tracking is great too, so don’t forget to check it off on your calendar each day when you’ve done it if that helps you also!
Find more ways to connect with your spouse in our 5 week relationship course or in our book, “Enneagram in Marriage.”
