Mental Self-Care

OK, I am ALL up in my head this week and it's only Sunday morning, LOL. Let’s just face it, I always am! And it’s my sweet spot. Except when it’s not. We've talked about this but I keep learning too, even after years of working in mental health. That's because I realize as Anne Lamott writes...

"You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren’t. You take the action, and the insight follows.” 

So I want to encourage you this week. As you're trying on new things, it's OK to make mistakes. To get mad at each other and yourself, too, or to feel embarrassed. Allow it to teach you. In other words, think critically but don't think so hard you psyche yourself out! Mistakes are all about failing forward with intention.

In fact, this constant posture of learning gives your brain plasticity. It actually allows you to have a growth versus a fixed mindset.

However, it's also important to give your overworked brain breaks...

Like everything else, it's about balance, and in this case, we're rounding out healthy bodywork, healthy emotions, and now a healthy brain too!

It will clear the path for the good relationship and life work you're doing...

But first, let's take inventory. What about you? Are you feeling strong mentally these days?

Are you pushing or testing your limits with too much work? Are you saving time for refreshment alone and together?

I've seen this play out in the lives of my clients week by week over nineteen years, and I've felt it in my own life, too. Just last night Wes and I took time out on our date night to talk this part of the planner out and we really had to reflect on the fact that we each have certain areas of success and struggle here.

But we concluded that healthy thinking, just like the heart and bodywork, is not an option. (For me, a date night where we get out bodies moving a bit helps my mind so much!)

But whatever your healthy framing and planning as you dig into thinking self-care, let me do a deeper check in about what your actual plans are for staying mentally well!

Are you taking your daily vitamins, drinking water, and allowing for mental wellness with vitamins such as fish oil to keep your myelin sheath strong and your synapses rapidly firing?

Are you allowing your brain breaks from the reading and computer work you do?

What are you doing to learn a new skill to keep your brain strong (reading the classics and memorizing Encanto and Taylor Swift lyrics does count btw!)?

Also, how are you turning your brain off? Basketball, long walks, comedy watching? I don't care what it is exactly but I do ask that you do some of it together. Your "turning towards" behaviors as researcher John Gottman calls them, are so important to your success so that you don't just do it all alone. We were made for community and marriage connection, too.

Are you telling your thoughts to your spouse so you're sharing insights, ideas, and just life? Or are you letting all of your conversations center around what I call "coupon conversations"?

As you take this inventory, there is no shame, just grace, but a gracious step forward.

Lastly, remember as you put on your thinking self-care this week with me, don't force it on anyone. You grow and I promise it will come back to refresh you in some way!) 

Find more ways to connect with your spouse in our 5 week relationship course or in our book, “Enneagram in Marriage.”