Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries is incredibly important in both marriage, as well as relationships with our family and friends. Boundaries don’t mean you don’t lean in, but it does mean you learn to voice what really matters to you, and for good reason.

In particular, we need to balance our partners here because we bring blind spots into marriage with us from our upbringing. They don’t show up right away most typically, but after a few years to a decade, often we’re asking our spouse or partner to invite aspects of our families of origin in that they aren’t comfortable with.

Sometimes it’s a positive experience and our spouse is happy to cruise around with the grandparents while they celebrate a retirement or anniversary.  But sometimes it’s harder. A lot harder.

Can this mom or aunt borrow money or move in? Can this relative take the kids to school or babysit? And of course the biggie, who should we spend our time with?

These intense conversations deserve honesty and a good look again at instincts so I want you to look at both boundaries and the sx, so, and sp instincts as you try to lean in to balance. Learn more about the instincts here!

Also, remember your spouse is not doing anything to intentionally use or harm you. Just remember to voice your truest triggers and safety so your spouse doesn’t end up creating chaos or trauma of some sort in their blind spot either.

If it’s a major struggle, I would also seek a therapist or a coach! We have plenty on our E + M website and you’re worth it to tackle these tough issues together with someone who isn’t attached to them.

In particular, save some time for the conversations that need to happen before the holidays. Don’t forget - deep breaths, grace, compromise, and releasing plans of control to God are helpful as is truly honoring your agency to keep yourself and your love ones safe and healthy.