Transitioning to Parenting in Marriage
Transitioning to becoming a parent is never easy and truly changes your entire life, including your marriage. After having a baby, a whopping 67 percent of couples report seeing their marital satisfaction plummet!* It also doesn’t come back up for awhile in the early kids years either. I know that’s alarming so let me comfort you, I am NOT going to leave you hanging… Because my 6 wing would never do this to you!
The question we need to ask before we semi-freak out and decide to never have kids (or to be simply bummed out if we have them) is this…
What are the other 33 percent doing?
In this episode, my friend psychologist and professor Dr. Camden and her husband John (6-9 Glow Pairing, Harmonic Vibes) bring this question to the table!
They tell us what they’re doing to find their glow together in their unique “chill planning” pairing and also what they recommend to all couples as must-haves as you try for that 33 percent with your own distinct styles!!
They recommend essential tips for all pairings including:
1.) Working as a team and seeing your spouse as your partner, in which you share roles and responsibilities. This also includes sharing childcare duties and not thinking that one parent is “babysitting” their children. Both partners are parents!
2.) Giving grace to your partner and more understanding about their life stresses and work responsibilities.
3.) Remembering each stage of parenting has its own challenges and tackling them together will help your marriage and family as a whole.
In addition to these tips, I want to offer some advice that worked for me, especially when my children were little.
1. ) Teach your children independence as early as you can. Not only is this an important skill for them, but it also gives you and your spouse more time! The more independent your children become, the more time you will have for yourself and your marriage. It also teaches them that you have needs and wants outside of being a parent!
2.) Create family rituals and routines. Some Enneagram types may be cringing at this, while others will love it. But research shows that kids thrive on routines. If they know what to expect, things go smoother. It also helps with time management and more peace in your household. Rituals also create beautiful family memories and help build your legacy that could carry on to future generations.
3.) Communicate frequently about what is working and what isn’t. Becoming a parent brings a lot of change and with that, comes adjustment. It may take a lot of trial and error to find your groove, and that’s ok! Talk about it, adjust, and listen to your spouse to figure out what works in your family.
4.) Ask for help! You may feel the need to do it all on your own but you don’t have to. You can ask your spouse for more help, your loved ones, or even friends to help with the new baby or the other children. It’s ok! And your marriage will thank you as you find time for your spouse and date nights!
5.) Negotiate and compromise. Most likely, you have a different parenting style and varying opinions than your spouse. And that’s totally normal! You should because you are two different people. While it may occasionally cause conflict, it also brings in different perspectives and values. Use this to your advantage as you give your children a more well rounded upbringing. But don’t be too rigid, and remember to compromise and negotiate with your spouse. You want to raise your children TOGETHER!
Whether you have kids now or you’re learning for the next generation, keep these tips in mind and check out the pod here for more advice!
