7 Love Styles Test
"What did I know, what did I know of love’s austere and lonely offices?" - Robert Hayden
We love in so many different ways, and as America's first black poet laureate Robert Hayden said as he described the complex relationship with his foster father in the line above from his above sad though poignant and pristine poetic meter in Those Winter Sundays, because of these differences, we often miss the ways we are loved.
Thus in my marriage work and life, I have found that finding one's relationship needs and voice are so important to longevity as I'm sure you agree.
In our collective penchant to avoid ruffling feathers and stirring anger, we reach out to many things in place of human connection, spiritual ascetism, liquid comforts, choice foods, pop music, fitness, or working so hard we have no needs.
No needs and no hurt, right?
Sound familiar?
From my research about two-thirds of our community tend toward this, (although a few types are indeed more likely to confront things head on, at least initially).
I think you follow me here. Just ignoring things does not make them go away.
We have to engage or something in us and in our relationship implodes or even dies.
Like a dying star without hydrogen, love without fuel is at best, nebulous.
As we burn out however, and fall into this personal and collective shadow, we bring others down too.
Yes, when you cut off conflict and the ability to work issues out and the opportunity to really care about and to really know one another’s needs, you cut off the lifeblood of the relationship.
And after you share your needs, it doesn't stop there. It takes grit and tenacity to stay open and to allow discomfort as we wait for our partners while they initially defend their own positions and then hopefully shift a bit, leaning in as they too bring their needs.
But it's worth it. Let me be clearer. You're worth it.
For where there is no energy put in, there is no light. And there is certainly no bright glow emitting from your shine together. Having gone through physics lessons with my kids this year, I was fascinated when I saw the reminder that work done by the force on an object is equal to the change in energy.
Sooooo, if you need a bit of energy for a simple conversation starter about your particular needs and ways of sharing love and life together, I want to give you an opportunity to frame this in possibly the lightest and most fun framework possible if ever I could help us all out in this way...
Bring it, right?
In this episode of the Enneagram and Marriage Podcast, I'm joined by Truity founder and CEO Molly Owens as we discuss the results of this study which details these two new love styles, emotional (heart connection) and intellectual love (head connection) that so many couples frankly need and want in terms of quality time, many times far ahead of acts of service or gift giving, etc. even though we still love those also. I find this especially pertinent because it means that when we don't give our ways of feeling loved a deeper look, we can totally miss one another in our quest to serve.
I'm extra grateful for this time on the podcast as Truity researchers keeps a busy schedule these days, making appearances on huge media channels like The Today Show and CNBC as well as analyzing nearly 1.5 million tests last month alone.
Join us in this fun, casual and conversational episode as we explore the dynamics of couples today so you can find your love style and share it with your spouse or people as well!
