Healing From Affairs and The Enneagram
"Infidelity work often involves us excavating into wounds that often predate the marriage itself. Where were the fault lines of the relationship?” Dr. Alexandra Solomon, PhD, Northwestern University, The Family Institute
Whether you’re pre-marital and you've heard Hamilton one too many times or an adult who has walked the slippery slope of a full-blown affair, series of affairs, or even microaffairs, you know that every experience of infidelity has a story attached to it, one that, like Dr. Solomon's quote above, often pre-dated the marriage itself.
In fact we could go type by type and talk about how to process a bit of the aftermath though of course the work goes much deeper for each Enneagram type as well.
Type 1 - Needs to forgive themselves after fully facing it and then need to dole out grace to both self and partner for imperfections. Needs to be patient with recovery work and release judging.
Type 2 - Needs to realize falling in love can happen when you least expect it. Guard your giving heart even after an affair or your spouse having one.
Type 3 - Needs to realize they are witty and charming so they need to use that charm on spouse and stay with something real not just for show.
Type 4 - Needs to stop rehearsing the betrayal and break out of the imprisonment of codependency.
Type 5 - Needs to release anger constructively versus imploding, needs to slowly but surely feel and release the hurt underneath.
Type 6 - Needs to realize safety can usually be re-established and restoring lost marital adventure versus clamping down is key.
Type 7 - Needs to stay in the present and ride our anxiety and fix things even if blocking, future or fantasy sound better.
Type 8 - Needs to release pent up frustration and rage with the arts and bodywork every single day.
Type 9 - Needs to use their voice to voice their triggers no matter how many times it needs to be repeated.
The truth is however, these insights alone does not bring healing. And with more accessibility to infidelity than ever before, our culture is caught up in the aftermath of what to do about it if and when it happens in a couple’s life together as well as how to prevent it.
And though each narrative is different, we heal together. That's why I want you to get to listen to this important podcast episode. The healing and the dealing with the story of the affair is soooo important to a couple's journey forward together if they decide to pursue the marriage and they often get a resurrected marriage that is healthier than even before the affair as a result.
In this very special podcast episode, we are truly honored with one of the world's leading couples experts, Dr. Alexandra Solomon to guide us. Dr. Solomon has been featured on NPR, The Today Show, Oprah Mag, Vogue and more, and more importantly, Dr. Solomon is a gifted marriage helper and a professor from the prestigious Northerwestern University’s Family Institute, one of the leading research and family institutions in the world.
As you think about healing from affairs and gracious second chances, it's the perfect time for this episode. Take a pause as needed, as it may involve triggering topics but know this. It's so important to be brave as you walk toward health. Tune in to this life-changing episode!
