Enneagram 9 Deep Dive
"Beautiful things don't ask for attention." - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
As we prepare to talk about the Deeper Dive episode today on type 9, is this week's quote a limiting belief or a truth? It's a bit of both. First, it's a stunning truth that most Enneagram 9s put others first and don't ask for all of the eyes on them. There is a natural humility to them that is mystifying to those of us who learned that aggressive or worldly styles of engagement would be the most instinctual way to get through life.
And secondly, it’s a good reminder not to let this limit them -it is alright to ask for attention at times. Everyone has a purpose and a creative way of giving in the world. This absolutely includes our fabulous 9s.
9s instead often put others first, believing that those who are worthy of finding them will indeed find them, and that they don’t have to rush to the front of the line. They are also content on their own for the most part as they wait. This is because they have learned to bring material comfort to themselves in most every situation. They’ve found the corner on rest and relaxation in life and they lull the rest of us to that peace as well.
In relationships however, often 9s can be misunderstood, ignored, or hurt badly (and hurt their partner or family) by not being heard or by not stepping up to the plate first.
The cycle reminds me of the journey to the climactic moment in the excellent movie The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, when Ben Stiller’s character awakens as if from a comfortable ethereal dream and steps into a gorgeous (although sometimes messy) adventure of life, love, and truth-speaking,
I would love for 9 listeners of our podcast to feel similarly seen and alive after listening to this deep dive episode. It's a true delight to watch 9s wake up to their life in healthy ways. This is in fact perhaps my favorite type to watch do this because it's so transformative when it happens.
Like their counterpart body types 8 and 1, they stand up for whatever they believe in, and they ask for respect, loyalty, and the freedom to be strong in their marriages. Though they have come to expect not to be heard, they still continue to care for the least of these, animals, environment, and those different from them. They are truly mediators and peacemakers in the world.
Also, when they show up, they truly bless the world as they bring a quiet peace to chaos, and when they're healthy, they exude a deep love and desire to dig in and serve with a very well-rounded and diplomatic view.
However, if a 9 hasn't yet embraced their power, they can be so sleepy, forgetting that they too matter. Because they are feeling unheard, they are so full of disillusionment, anger, or even a deeper rage at all the ways they've been ignored. This will show up in stubbornness and apathy, with the 9 not even trying in their marriages or families, much less in their own lives.
Thankfully, Jenn and I will help both 9s and their spouses to approach managing the instincts as well as the minds and hearts of the 9 on today's streamlined, clarity-bringing episode, including:
The gifts and best traits of a 9
The three subtypes of an 9 (9s merge with other things, people, and groups in varying ways)
How to deal with the passion (sloth) and fixation (indolence) of the 9
The growth path for the 9 as they incorporate their virtue of right action and holy love and the best features from other complementary types (commonly called wings and arrows).
How to walk through conflict and communication in marriage with a 9 who has a tendency to self-forget and to withdraw in material cozy comfort
Though there are many tips on this episode for both spouses and those relating to 9, one of them stands out. Your 9 wants to be proved wrong in their belief that no one hears them. Show them they can lean on you in vulnerable moments. 9s want to reach out and find that although no one is perfect, you can be trusted to help pave the way for their diplomatic and loving voice too out there in the world as they get moving!!
Also, as you explore the 9 in marriage to the depths, remember the PDFs we’ve created go even deeper than the podcasts for several hours of reading!
