How to Handle Felt Incompatibility & Dissatisfaction in Marriage w/Dr. Frederick Coene

In media and literature examples across the last few centuries, we often hear a depiction of marriage and relationships as getting old, stale, and sour after the honeymoon period.


I'm not just talking about Michael Scott imitating what he considered to be Pam Beesely's scratchy high-pitched "nagging" voice he forecasting to Jim on The Office, either.


I'm talking about Jane Austen not writing more than a quick denouement post-marriage, Mark Twain saying a wise author doesn't cross that line of wedded bliss in writing, and even the biblical reminders of the exasperating man or complaining wife.


Seriously, there's a reason and a reality - a research-based component to these trends. Often, long-term marriages have great suffering because of personality differences.


Yet this is not ALWAYS the case and if it is the case, why do some couples still thrive? Why are there enemies-to-lover or opposites-attract tropes in love and marriage sometimes? You gotta love Tolkien here - as he made that great case for eternal love based on his own marriage!


In short, why do we have all-or-thing marriages. Some couples seem to thrive and have it together and others seem to echo the eery foreshadows of nature and history?


We approach this answer clinically but also in straight-up fun on this podcast with European Union diplomat and Enneagram researcher Dr. Frederik Coene, 6sp, who on the very day of our interview, just had the fresh chance to step into a long holiday from the EU to do what he loves best - research in his self-pres mode after helping out with world crises for many years.


However, he'll be taking on a different and similar level of research with us here on the pod and in his next season - relational research within couples.


Here we summarize his teams' findings from the hours and hours he has spent with each type and subtype and we land in a place that lends you beautiful wings for liftoff in your relationships.


If you're struggling with marital or sexual dissatisfaction in any way, this is an episode I wouldn't miss! 


One of your biggest takeaways - even if you don't listen, and I hope you do -is this....


Your perspective is everything. Choosing to love is everything. Knowing you are not perfect either is everything - and I love when we have research to back this up so we can TRULY bring out our best gifts together.


This podcast encourages you to do just that as we journey on together!