Intimacy Exercise

I’ve heard it said that foreplay starts the minute your last sexual experience ends and I think it’s said wisely for the most part.

Here is a fun intimacy practice you can try to find more connection and bring in more foreplay. If you’re in the Collective, you know I call it the 3-2-1 Intimacy Building Exercise. 

This basic foreplay practice helps us to connect as minds, bodies, and hearts during and before intimacy. 

So how do you do it?

It’s simple. What you do is you tell your spouse:


 3 things you love about their body!


2 things you want to hear from them during or before intimacy (warning, this one feels vulnerable!)


1 way you love them to take care of your heart.

Notice this is a very positive exercise on purpose.

Now this one helps you to be clear about your desire. Desire is not something you need to be afraid of together as you grow safer together. In fact, it’s lovely to say your hopes for the relationship’s most intimate moments versus being uninterested or unintentionally showing disinterest.

Don’t think that one time alone will suffice for sharing this. Be open and ready to share it as many times as needed for it to really settle in.

I’m rooting for you and doing the exact same thing myself. Moving toward confidence and clarity is a step you won’t be sorry for even if it takes deep breaths and a few steps of bravery for the journey. You are worth it as is your absolute closest relationship. 

Find more ways to connect with your spouse in our 5 week relationship course or in our book, “Enneagram in Marriage.”