Music in Marriage
Don’t forget the often missed deeper dive into music as a form of discovery and emotional release as we talk about the very best ways to reach one another.
Why music in marriage? In a word, it moves us.
You probably notice that in all of your favorite movies there is a soundtrack that moves along with it. It’s that soundtrack that inspires you to release prolactin, or empathic feelings, or maybe oxytocin asyou dive deeper into the story of love, passion, war, or crime - Greenberg tells us these feelings are quite normal here.
Yes, and as we uncover more and more systematically about communication in your actual marriage, we must not forget it either.
I want you to discuss with your spouse what kind of music really calms you and invites you into deeper intimacy together.
Don’t be surprised if you differ since music research has found there are at least 3 styles of listeners and needs among them.
But do talk about it again, especially since seasons bring different things, and know it so you can allow music to be one more healthy rhythm in your life together.
Also, as you invite healing music in for decompressing, don’t forget there are also many forms of music that are harmful to our ears.
Music has been use to incite war, rage, lusting over others, digging up old wounds, and keeping us in victim stance...
Finally, talk together about what kinds of music brings you forward and what kind pulls you back in life today. Let your spouse know lyrics that move you and why - this is deeply personal space but you've earned that right as one another's deepest confidants to have the convo, even if it's little by little!
A funny example in our home is that when it’s the holidays, my daughters and I love a little Mariah Carey or Michael Buble but to Wes those artists' vibes feel like nails on a chalkboard, lol!
He will listen a few times to please us but he enjoys the classics, hymns, Pentatonix, and really ultimately likes to wait till a special occasion like Christmas light viewing to play the holiday tunes. This is the same for me with his favorite style, Classic Country Gospel. (Thankfully we both love classical music, Coldplay, Jack Johnson, Norah Jones, Imagine Dragons, and Taylor Swift's lighter tunes).
I find it fascinating that we are all different so finding and playing music, since it truly draws an evokes emotions around our spouses that must be considered on both sides.
In other words, it’s a dance but it’s a whirl worth taking.
In essence, don't forget to let music soothe your soul this and take turns playing each of your playlists this year if you’re struggling to find a common ground.
Breathe deeply a few times and step away if needed if your spouse’s music triggers you a ton.
But either way, try to lean into the reminder that music that truly soothes them is a multi-sensory and often unexplored gift to your marriage.
Find more ways to connect with your spouse in our 5 week relationship course or in our book, “Enneagram in Marriage.”
